How to Address Substance Use With Yourself, a Loved One, or an Employee—Without Shame or Fear**

The fireworks are over. The grill is cold.
And for some, the Fourth of July was exactly what it should be—a sunny afternoon, a few beers with friends, and a sparkler or two lighting up the sky.
But for others, it wasn’t that simple.
What started as a celebration turned into a blackout.
What looked like fun became fuzzy. Messy. Lonely. Regretful.

Holidays have a way of spotlighting substance use in uncomfortable ways.
When everyone’s “just having a good time,” it can be hard to admit that your drinking didn’t feel good. That the recovery is taking longer. That the quiet voice saying “this isn’t normal anymore” is getting louder.

And it’s not just about alcohol. For people self-medicating with pills, weed, or stimulants—long weekends often unmask the dependency they’ve been holding together during the workweek.

​Whether you’re noticing it in yourself, someone you love, or someone you supervise, one of the hardest questions is:
What do I actually do about it?
This article is for that moment—when your gut is telling you something matters, but your brain is still unsure what to say, how to help, or whether you’re overreacting.
Let’s break it down into three pathways—each grounded in compassion, science, and real-life nuance.

1. If You’re Concerned About Your Own Use
First: You’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
Substance use is often a tool—used to manage trauma, stress, burnout, or emotional pain. What matters is that you’re noticing a pattern and asking questions.
Here are a few signs to pay attention to:

• You’re relying on a substance daily just to feel “normal”
• Your tolerance is growing—and so are your cravings
• You feel shame, secrecy, or emotional withdrawal connected to your use
• Your sleep, focus, mood, or relationships are suffering

What to do:

• Don’t wait for rock bottom. Small concerns are worth action.
• Track patterns for a week—without judgment. What are you feeling before you reach for the substance? What happens after?
• Talk to someone safe. That could be a therapist, a support group, or your EAP. Even one conversation can shift the spiral.
• Fuel your body. Stabilizing blood sugar, sleep, hydration, and micronutrients helps reduce cravings and rebuild resilience.

You don’t have to quit everything today. You just have to get honest—and get curious.

2. If You’re Concerned About a Loved One
It’s painful to watch someone drift—into dependency, into secrecy, into suffering. But jumping in too aggressively can trigger shame or push them further away.

​What helps:

• Lead with love, not accusation. Try: “I’ve noticed you’ve been relying more on [X] lately, and I’m worried about how you’re doing. Can we talk about it?”
• Be specific. “I’ve seen you cancel plans, seem foggy at work, or drink more than usual—what’s going on?”
• Don’t argue about whether it’s ‘a problem.’ Focus on what you’re seeing and how it makes you feel.
• Offer support, not ultimatums. Suggest help they can accept—therapy, group support, time off, or just listening.
• Set boundaries with love. Protect your own emotional safety while staying connected.

Addiction often thrives in isolation. Your voice—steady, honest, and kind—can be the bridge back to connection.

3. If You’re a Manager or Team Leader
This is one of the hardest roles to be in. You’re not a therapist, and you can’t (and shouldn’t) diagnose. But you can notice. You can intervene with care. And you can connect employees to the help they deserve.

Warning signs might include:

• Frequent absences or tardiness
• Mood swings, irritability, or uncharacteristic behavior
• Decline in work quality or focus
• Smelling alcohol or substances on someone’s breath or clothing
• Sudden isolation, defensiveness, or social withdrawal

What to do (and not do):

• ✅ Document observable behavior, not assumptions
• ✅ Approach with compassion and concern, not confrontation
• ✅ Stick to performance impact and safety, not moral judgment
• ✅ Use your EAP as a bridge. Say: “I want to make sure you’re supported. We have resources through our EAP, and I’d like to connect you.”
• ❌ Don’t play counselor. Your role is to support, refer, and uphold workplace safety—not to treat or diagnose.

Managers need support too. If you’re unsure what to say or how to handle something, reach out to HR or your EAP for confidential guidance.

Final Thought: Compassion First, Every Time
Substance use is complex. It’s often about pain, not partying. Biology, not weakness. And healing isn’t linear.
Whether you’re noticing the signs in yourself, someone you love, or someone you manage—the most important thing is to start from a place of care.
You don’t need the perfect words. Just enough courage to reach across the silence.